MAFS groom ‘sells’ wife to mates to avoid sleeping with her

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A husband’s attempt at hocking his wife off to other guys so he doesn’t have to sleep with her is uncovered on Wednesday’s Married At First Sight and ends with him lying through his fake plastic teeth.

As with most scandals on this show, the camera crew that’s employed to stalk these freaks is somehow absent when the controversial moment unfolds.

It leaves us pondering that age-old riddle: if a husband trash-talks his wife on MAFS and a camera isn’t there to film it, did it even happen?

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Of course it happened. And, as foreshadowed last week, it’s discovered by Lauren and her infamous lazy eye.

“I have just heard a rumour. And I feel like it needs to come out,” she exhales.

Yes! Expose it!

“I’m gonna get in so much trouble for this. I was not meant to say anything.”

Say it!

“The rumour is that a guy has made mention more than once that if there is a couple swap situation within the experiment that the boys have permission to sleep with his wife because he doesn’t want to because he’s not attracted to her.”

Which husband said this? We’re guessing a man-bunned PT from the Gold Coast with little plastic teeth.

“Jack is a misogynist,” Lauren rants. “The way he talks about Tori to the boys is misogynistic, sexist, degrading. And today I feel like he needs to be held accountable.”

Yes! Prosecute him at the dinner party! Dip his ponytail in a carafe of wine!

Of course the producers excitedly sit Lauren across from Jack at the dining table. Within seconds, Jack knows something is up. A death staring match ensues.

“Alright, Lauren – what have you got to say?” Jack spits.

Lauren stays calm.

“You’ve had a lot to say,” she replies. “In fact, I heard you had a lot to say in the gym.”

Jack knows exactly what she’s referring to and he immediately races to defend himself.

“It is a joke!” he yells.

“What was the joke? Can you say the joke again to me?” Lauren prods, daring him to repeat it.

Jack stumbles.

“It’s inappropriate at the dinner table,” he snips.

All the other freaks are confused. A joke? What joke? They begin slapping their palms on the table and chanting: “WHAT’S-THE-JOKE! WHAT’S-THE-JOKE! WHAT’S-THE-JOKE!”

Sara has also heard through the grapevine what Jack allegedly said, and she relays her interpretation.

“(He said) That at the couples swap, if Tori gets swapped with one of the boys, and he hasn’t f**ked her by then, they can f**k her,” she tells the table.

We cut to the experts in the basement, where they’re watching everything unfold on CCTV.

“He’s selling her off?” Mel Schilling shrieks.

“That is so gross,” sexpert Alessandra sighs.

What’s more shocking is that the experts expected better behaviour from a man-bunned PT with fake teeth.

Jack decides his only way out of this mess is to own it and act like his co-stars are crazy for thinking what he said was in any way terrible.

“Anything I’d say to Jono I would say in front of Tori,” he shrugs. “I’m owning that – that was said. A hundred per cent that was said.”

He leans over to Tori and puts her on the spot, forcing her to side with him. Then, as an extra taunt, he presses his face against hers for a slow, sloppy pash.

He thinks this is over. But Lauren has Jack snagged by the man bun and won’t let him run away.

“Telling the boys you’re not attracted to her and that’s why you’re not sleeping with her is not banter to me,” she says.

Jack snaps to attention.

“I haven’t once said I’m not attracted to Tori,” he spits. “Not once.”

You’re right. You haven’t said it once. You’ve said it at least three times. On camera. The first time was on your honeymoon. And the latest instance was last week, in front of all the boys. We helpfully documented these moments in recaps, should Lauren KC need exhibits to prove her case.

“Ya talkin’ shit!” Jack snaps. “I’m not talkin’ to you, Lauren – shut ya mouth!”

Then he looks at Jonathan and hurls a statement that sends shockwaves through Trash Tower.

“Can you muzzle your woman?”

The remark is met with groans from the table.

“Don’t f**kin’ talk to her like that!” Jonathan yells.

“Shut up, mate!” Jack fires back.

Lauren throws her napkin on the table and responds with perhaps the scariest threat we’ve ever heard.

“You tell him to put a muzzle on me again, c**t, I will f**kin’ show ya who’s gonna need a muzzle,” she warns.

Jack then zones in on Jono and bullies him. At heart, Jono’s a nerd – a pushover who wants to be liked. So when Jack threatens to not let him hang out with the cool boys anymore, he buckles.

“I understand what Lauren’s saying, but … I’m friends with Jack, so I don’t know who to support,” Jono whimpers. “I’m stuck, I don’t know what to do.”

With Jack looming over him, Jono bows down and lies to the group, telling them Jack constantly talks about how he’s super attracted to his wife.

For weeks, Lauren has feared that her husband’s worst quality is that he’s boring. But she was wrong. Sitting at the dining table, abandoned and betrayed, she realises he’s also a weakling.

Across from her, Tori holds Jack’s hand in silence. She’s annoyed – but her fury is directed at the wrong person: her BFF.

“You are better than this,” she glares at Lauren.

Our hearts break. Why can’t we go back to the good times — like just a few days ago, when Lauren and Tori were giggling at how crazy that new psychic girl is.

While Tori turns on Lauren, Lauren turns on Jono.

“At the end of the day, this is all Jono’s fault,” she rants.

Jono decides to blame Lauren for repeating the gossip.

“I told you that in confidence!” he fumes.

Lauren’s had a gut full.

“You knew I was gonna burn this place down!” she roars. “Seriously, your alliance should be with me!” She turns to point at Jack. “He’s not gonna suck your d**k at the end of the night.”

And she’s right. Jack certainly won’t be doing that. After all, with those fake plastic chompers, it’d end in disaster.

Facebook: @hellojamesweir

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